PROFILE

An introduction about myself (: TP's nightmare
A Chocolate Addict XD
Badminton Craze
Singing Phantom
Buttery Nut

DESIRES

The Green Coach Bag with a silk green scarf
The Cute Carlo Rino Bag at the Airport
A cute red hot convertible
A million dollar monthly paycheck
And last of all ^^ A free all-expense-paid-trip around Europe XD
Hey its my fantasy ^^

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FRIENDS

Xue Er
Bernice
Karen
Seth
Joanna
Ham
Alson
Nadiah

ARCHIVES;

October 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008

Wednesday, March 19, 2008
3:13 PM

I really wonder what stops me from doing the things i dream most. Fear? Caution? or reluctance. Sometimes i really think that i'm the one who is stopping myself from doing the things i want most...to fear of what others may think when i do it...to fear of the consequences...right now...i'm embarking on a whole new journey. I seriously have no idea what to expect...but hopefully i will find i a way. As someone once said, its not a matter of can't but a matter of wanting to do it.

 

I must believe in myself..X)...i cant let the others down...jyjy!!

Just stopping to smell the flowers..

Thursday, March 13, 2008
1:03 PM

Oh winter my love...how long has it been since we last embraced? Oh how i long to be with you once again...your soft chilly whispers..your misty breath...somehow your beauty is just as hypnotic....bringing all those whom you meet to a vulnerable sleep. I miss being in the hot waters again and feeling your tight grip as the hot water soothes my soul...your whispers just seem to echo thru the mountains...bringing serenity into the air. Somehow the stars seem brighter with you...for the first time, i actually see the milkyway...its stars truly like diamonds...twinkling in the dark swirl that of ink.

The rain has been very cold lately but cannot compare to yours. I have always liked the rain but somehow i always seem to hate your icy tears. It brings a chill to my bones and makes everything seems so pure. To see such pureness is but a stab to my heart as i remember why i cannot be like that.

 

Hopefully i get to see you soon winter. Do not forget me please, for i am but what you follow year after year and forever it shall be.

Just stopping to smell the flowers..

Saturday, March 8, 2008
8:51 AM

Hiaz...sometimes i really wonder what i want to do with my life...there's almost no direction sometimes...i mean...i always said that i would do anything to get into the high flying corporate world...but than...to do what? A financial analyst? A financial advisor? A marketing manager? A brand manger? Advertising? Human Resource?

Its so confusing when you have so many options...sometimes i really think that i should follow my teacher's five year plan series. Always changing jobs after 5 years...so..i have 6 jobs that i wanna try...6x5 = 30 years?!!!....i'll be 50 plus by the time i'm satisfied...plus..i dont think there will be any job security...no proper insurance to take care of you...and nobody wants to employ a job hopper...wait...my teacher did change countries to come into teaching...hmm...hiaz...apparently, using the SMART requirements are really hard to set a goal...i have the road in front of me, but i have no map. I have no idea which area in the corporate world i wanna specialize in...plus, sometimes pay check rules over the likeability of the job...so...basically, all i have to do is find a high paying job that i can enjoy doing as well...man..i can image what my mom would say...go into banking...go into banking...ahhh!!!...T.T...i really dunno what i want...its so confusing...my brain hurts...and i have yet to include dating or travelling around the world in my so called SMART plans for my life...i have a headache...T.T

Just stopping to smell the flowers..

Friday, March 7, 2008
10:17 AM

Mmm..yesterday at choir was most wondrous..haha...managed to sing in flanders fields and set me as a seal without scores..haha...our ave v...also very nice yesterday...haha...quite happy with it...hmm...haiz...now got 2 concerts coming up..somemore more got camp..haha...quite an eventful holiday though..haha..for me all these events usually occur once during the year..haha..not all within two months....hmm...today going to eat out!! Yay!!...btw...yesterday found a nice noodle shop in Mensa...hmm...i dun really like their tomato noodles though..haha..but their fried chicken noodles is delish..haha..the chilli also very nice..haha..i really have nothing else to say le for now...judging by all the hahas i wrote...i guess i can say i'm in a pretty good mood today..lol

Just stopping to smell the flowers..

Thursday, March 6, 2008
9:05 AM

I wonder how many of you actually recognise this song...haha...its from Howl Moving Castle...Jinsei Merry go Round (Merry go round of life)....by Joe Hisashi....i fell in love with this song the moment i heard it...haha...so much though that i even planned to have this song played at my wedding....

As the musicians begin to play
a soft light will glow
in an assortment of colours
the dancers will appear
dancing to the magic of this piece
to cherish every moment
that love had entered their lives..
hopefully mine too...

I wonder if there is truly someone out there for me...someone who can love me for me...and not how i can adapt to them...to me love so far is like water...no matter how many times you scoop water...it just flows out of your hands and as time goes by...the water that you cradle in your hands will cease to exist...water has always had an ability to escape...just like love...escaping out of people's lives...

Such a foolish emotion this is...why do we need to feel loved so much? To feel needed so much..this is but merely a weakness....love is but nothing but a wavering feeling...a feeling i do not want to have...to have to scoop the water so many times yet somehow it is never enough to satisfy your thirst for more....as you keep scooping, your tears will start to flow...making you feel even drier inside...an emptiness...craved by guilt, disgust, sadness, desperation and greed.

Somehow in the end, it too manages to break through the ray of hope that you have left....and than whats left of you will be nothing...because the water that is so desperately drunk, it too will be unable to fill the cracks and holes that the emptiness has destroyed in your heart...

So why do we seek love so badly...if the end it too will but merely make us empty...

Haha...dunno why i've been feeling so emo lately...been wanting to cry for so long...but at the same time i know that if i cry...i will be weak again...its raining now...dark...cold...wet...the sudden thunder made me smile for a while...as if happy that at least the rain itself knows how i feel...
the heart wants what the hearts wants huh....an old saying i guess...but they must have forgotten the details...along with what the heart wants, comes the trails of commitments and strife...i'm afraid i'm not ready to commit yet..

To me, the world is my backyard...i wanna play in it first....to see new things...to smell...to taste..to feel new experiences and adventures each day...my heart is as they say a fluttering butterfly...i don't want to be tied down...at least not yet...

Please don't ask me to stay rooted here...because i will die if i do...

Just stopping to smell the flowers..

Tuesday, March 4, 2008
1:33 PM

Just the other day, i took a wrong turn while going home from school....i ended up taking the path that i have not taken for the past 6 years....needless to say...memories flooded back...like the eternal tides...reeking of nostalgia...as if tauting me of my past...

As a child, i would always take this path to school and along this path...i always had someone beside me at that time...either a friend or family...than there was her.

Back then, i never knew what having a cat for a friend was ever like...yet somehow..i met her...she may not be the prettiest...or the cutest kitty...but she was the kindest cat i have ever met..

When the sun went down...and all was dark...there she would be...waiting for me at that path...and than she would walk me to the bridge...everyday...my first kitty friend...her gentle mews as i talked to her about school...my thought...my life..simple yet silly words from a child...yet she took it in...patiently...understandingly...unjudgingly...yet i never really knew her life. Where did she come from? What does she do everyday? ...it must seem very strange to you that i would actually think of deeply about this kitty...matter of fact...i don't even know her name...haha...but than...one day...these memories ceased to last...i've forgotten whose fault it was to make these memories end....was i the one waiting at the road for her to pick me up? or was she the one who waited for me instead...ever since i took the different path to school...my memories of this path have become a blur....it feels so guilty to realise you lost your past...even the littest bit of it...i wonder if she doing alright today...i daren't try to dig any deeper in my past....because if i do, i'm afraid that i will cry...tears that can never bend time..but only deepen the scars of the heart....

where will my new path lead me now? To a better place?....or somewhere where sorrows lies...
i will always remember you kitty...because i have walked that path on that day and remembered you...hopefully...in 10 yrs time...20...30...50...i will still be able to keep these memories alive...this dying part of me..alive.

Just stopping to smell the flowers..