*~The Sparkling Scent of Autumn~*

~~Thursday, March 6, 2008~~

9:05 AM

I wonder how many of you actually recognise this song...haha...its from Howl Moving Castle...Jinsei Merry go Round (Merry go round of life)....by Joe Hisashi....i fell in love with this song the moment i heard it...haha...so much though that i even planned to have this song played at my wedding....

As the musicians begin to play
a soft light will glow
in an assortment of colours
the dancers will appear
dancing to the magic of this piece
to cherish every moment
that love had entered their lives..
hopefully mine too...

I wonder if there is truly someone out there for me...someone who can love me for me...and not how i can adapt to them...to me love so far is like water...no matter how many times you scoop water...it just flows out of your hands and as time goes by...the water that you cradle in your hands will cease to exist...water has always had an ability to escape...just like love...escaping out of people's lives...

Such a foolish emotion this is...why do we need to feel loved so much? To feel needed so much..this is but merely a weakness....love is but nothing but a wavering feeling...a feeling i do not want to have...to have to scoop the water so many times yet somehow it is never enough to satisfy your thirst for more....as you keep scooping, your tears will start to flow...making you feel even drier inside...an emptiness...craved by guilt, disgust, sadness, desperation and greed.

Somehow in the end, it too manages to break through the ray of hope that you have left....and than whats left of you will be nothing...because the water that is so desperately drunk, it too will be unable to fill the cracks and holes that the emptiness has destroyed in your heart...

So why do we seek love so badly...if the end it too will but merely make us empty...

Haha...dunno why i've been feeling so emo lately...been wanting to cry for so long...but at the same time i know that if i cry...i will be weak again...its raining now...dark...cold...wet...the sudden thunder made me smile for a while...as if happy that at least the rain itself knows how i feel...
the heart wants what the hearts wants huh....an old saying i guess...but they must have forgotten the details...along with what the heart wants, comes the trails of commitments and strife...i'm afraid i'm not ready to commit yet..

To me, the world is my backyard...i wanna play in it first....to see new things...to smell...to taste..to feel new experiences and adventures each day...my heart is as they say a fluttering butterfly...i don't want to be tied down...at least not yet...

Please don't ask me to stay rooted here...because i will die if i do...

Just stopping to smell the flowers..